“SORRY” Has Become A Four-Letter Word

“SORRY” Has Become A Four-Letter Word

A profound and prolific apology after a colossal foul-up or political disaster has become an actual perfunctory insult to the offended or wronged parties. It sounds insincere, feels weak and needy, invites other questions (and other concessions) and makes you look foolish. No one says this better than author and success coach, Oren Klaff of “Pitch Anything”. The idea is to just work right past the error or gaffe and move forward, selling more strongly than ever. The text that follows comes from an email sent to me in 2016 (but it's still timely!) by Oren [I've left all of his grammatical and syntax errors intact, for which I make no apologies, and I've left his not-altogether-too-subtle sales pitches for his products as they appeared in the original text. Oren has some wonderful ideas and insights, except he desperately needs a proofreader... perhaps someone from Fiverr...]:

“Funny things pop out of my mouth from time to time. No preparation. No planning. It just happens. For example, a few weeks ago during a presentation to a group of financial analysts I said, “Guys, I
can’t sugar coat this for you ... I’m not #@%! WILLY WONKA.”
 
Although, I thought that was HILARIOUS at the time ... no one laughed. There was just some
uncomfortable coughing and a few chairs shuffled.
 
My first reaction was to apologize, so my mind starting forming the words,“ ... uhh, sorry about
that ..."

But my training kicked in, and I told myself: Keep moving forward, don’t explain yourself, do not act ‘needy’ or seek validation.

Ok, sure, I know that apologizing is necessary when we’ve clearly hurt someone else, violated a rule, or done something we know to be wrong. And saying sorry is a necessary step in some situations to repair the social fabric that keeps us connected to other people.

But in business, a gushing apology can be exactly the wrong move.

For example, WE ALL want to keep our clients happy, so it can be tempting to say “sorry” for things that get off track —
- but It’s important to recognize that apologizing unnecessarily can actually undercut your professionalism by displaying neediness and diminishing others’ confidence in you.

It reminds me of the other day when a CEO called and asked if he could see me. He had a serious problem, so we booked a meeting.

That’s how every week starts for me. Like an episode of SUITS, at 9am Monday, some kind of trouble walks through the door and I have 24 hours to save the client’s company or The Senior Partners Will Be Very Mad.

This client shuffled his way into my waiting room, downcast and dejected.

His shoulders slumped. He was in big trouble. When a guy looks like that, it’s either a woman problem or a money problem and given my track record, people usually don’t want my advice on women.

He told me what had happened at his company. His servers had crashed during a live event. Customers lost money.

“I have to go on the road and give my largest customers a personal apology,” he said, “or I’m going to lose a lot of business.”

“Tell me what you plan to say,” I said. ”Let me hear your pitch.”

And then came the El Niño of Bad Ideas:

He was going to apologize for a flaw that made the servers crash;
He was going to give discounts; and refunds.
And he planned to use the history of his relationship with the client, like Sal Tessio in The Godfather.
Sal Tessio: Can you get me off the hook, Tom? For old times' sake?
Tom Hagen: [shakes his head] Can't do it, Sally.
[Tom watches sadly as Sal is led to a waiting car]

Obviously, Sal was killed in that scene; as my client would get killed if he pleaded for forgiveness.
So, when he was done pouring his heart out, I poured him a cup of something strong and let him sip it slowly, preparing him for what I would say next:

There will be No Discounts. No Refunds. No Sob Story. “In fact,” I said, “you’re going to visit the customers, give them ONE quick and sincere ‘sorry’ and then upsell them to a higher level of service.”

His eyes opened wide.
 
I told him, when you highlight and dwell your own mistakes you trigger theRecency Effect — the
tendency to blow things that have just happened out of proportion.
In the business world, apologies, explanations, not to mention sappy pleas for mercy do nothing but stir up emotions and anger. My client needed to focus on the future.

First, I told this this CEO to read my book, PITCH ANYTHING. On page 157 I show that offering discounts and acting needy will actually harm a business relationship more than it helps.

Look, even your toughest clients will agree, the past is a done deal. It’s gone. Dust. They will accept that now is the time to turn over the Etch-a-Sketch and give it shake, wipe the slate clean.

Why You Should Only Give a Single Brief Word of Sorry After a High-Profile Mistake

No matter how sincere, your mea culpas can come off sounding empty. Only by taking the right action can you repair your broken reputation.

Consider for a moment, what do Charlie Sheen, Anthony Weiner and Tiger Woods all have in common?

They all apologized right after a major personal crisis.

I believe, in the US, this type of apology has become so cliché, it's lost all its credibility, because In short, we don't buy post-crises apologies anymore.

Here’s my four-point plan for cleaning up after any mistake:
 
1. Write a one-paragraph Big Idea nods to the mistake, but talks about the future. Then memorize it. Here’s an example:

Today’s servers are the most complex devices man has ever invented. They move terabytes of data in microseconds, and we humans have come to rely on them. Or perhaps the word is OVERRELY, for they are machines and they can fail. In fact, these failures are a right-of-passage for any fast growing company, letting them know, it’s time to upgrade, improve and invest in more infrastructure than ever before ...

2. No one expects you to be perfect. Accurately describe what new systems or procedures you're installing as soon as possible and sell the client that new level of service.

3. Pitch the client like you would a new account. Don’t count on their goodwill, just their desire to buy great service at a fair price from a good company. Give a CLEAR description your new improved level of service. If you need best pitch your industry has ever seen, jump over to Pitch Mastery, I’ll make sure you get it done.

4. Get professional help. If you find yourself in a “situation” where you’ve really messed up and first three steps above aren't enough to tamp-down the crisis, enlist the support of a credible third-party professional who knows how to build a script to handle this kind of situation. The president has a script writer, so do Fortune 500 CEO’s and franchise athletes ... you’re no less important and you should have one too.

Whatever you do, best not expect a gushing apology to work. We live in a jaded, cynical society that has had its fill of sketchy executives, politicians, celebrities and athletes. So truly, a modern crisis means never having to say you're sorry. It means MORE than that: fixing your act, communicating the fixes as they're done and then quickly reestablishing your reputation.

Don’t wait to learn how to handle yourself until you’re in a tight situation. If you haven’t already, buy PITCH ANYTHING now. And do sign up for a free trial of Pitch Mastery.

Forward this email to anyone you think might benefit from it, so they can get on our mailing list.

I have to run, another client just walked in the door, he’s wearing thick glasses and has a large computer. I’m not sure what the problem is here, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

See you next week when I cover the right way to start off any presentation (things I learned the hard way).

-Oren”

=> The Takeaway: Don't apologize unless you've truly hurt someone personally, lest you appear weak and incompetent. Take a lesson from the universally disliked (but desperately envied and admired) Donald Trump. Don't get caught in the quicksand of an apology.  Don't make it into an issue. Don't spend time falling into the trap of back peddling.

Thank you, as always, for reading me. - Douglas Castle

Leadership: Delegate Or Die!

Leadership: Delegate Or Die

One Of the Most Important Responsibilities Of A Leader Is To Delegate Responsibility

By: Douglas Castle

To be a leader and to maintain a position of leadership, you must be a competent and efficient delegator. By the act of delegating, you are not reliquishing control – you are actually expanding the realm and scope of your control. The larger the responsibilities and the larger the organization, the more proficient you must be at delegation.

In the military, “delegation” is defined as the action by which a commander assigns part of his or her authority commensurate with the assigned task to a subordinate commander. While ultimate responsibility cannot be relinquished, delegation of authority carries with it the imposition of a measure of responsibility. The extent of the authority delegated must be clearly stated.

Your success at delegation will determine the strength and length of your reign as a leader and commander. The most significant insights and skills which are required in successful delegation are listed below. They are worth studying:

=> If you are obsessive-compulsive by your nature, do all that you can to rationally counterbalance this dangerous impediment to effective delegation. You cannot micromanage and be a leader. You cannot be the servant of your subordinates because you are insistent about things being done exactly as you would have them done;

=> You must constantly keep the big picture and the broader focus in mind. If you are a perfectionist and overly detail-oriented, you will never be able to attain your organizational objectives while mired in minutiae [this is a sophisticated alliteration -- wouldn't you agree?];

=> Understand all of your responsibilities, and itemize or componentize each of them. You'll find that each individual component can be delegated (as it must) to someone in your organization whom you can select. If the right individual is not among your inventory of Human Assets, then you must either replace some of your people, or your must acquire some new members with the requisite skill sets. The objective is to export as many of your responsibilities as possible, while retaining the central responsibility of organizational stewardship, oversight and goal attainment;

=> When you delegate responsibility for the accomplishment of a task or function, also remember to grant the requisite authority and to impose the necessary accountability upon the person to whom you've charged with the job. Responsibility without authority is a recipe for managerial impotence and non-performance. Responsibility without accountability is a recipe for waste, abuse and failure;

=> Since you, as a leader, are ultimately responsible for the successful and efficient attainment of your organization's most important goals, you must constantly monitor the performance of those to whom you've delegated, without being drawn in to correcting their mistakes yourself. Observe, measure, suggest, monitor and determine whether the subject task has been assigned to the right individual; sometimes a change may be warranted.

=> Where you observe leadership potential in some of those persons to whom you've delegated tasks, you may find it wise to increase their roster or responsibilities, but to also grant them greater authority to sub-delegate to others who are subordinate to them. Remember that the greatest leaders know how to identify and cultivate leadership within their organizations. Be aggressive and bold about identifying and leveraging the leadership talents of other leaders wihin your organization. Encourage leadership and acceptance of increased responsibility. Reward it and give it appropriate recognition. Empowering other leaders liberates you to be a greater leader yourself.

=> As you develop leaders and assign them to their respective specialty areas (not unlike fiefdoms within a kingdom), clearly identify where each one's territory begins and ends. Clearly define their responsibilities with minimal overlap. Keep your subordinate leaders separated from each other (unless you are present and orchestrating or conducting a meeting or hearing reports) – fiefdoms should not compete, but neither should their feudal lords unite, lest they undermine the king's leadership. In brief, don't permit your subordinates to take you over. Delegate, but do so without ever permitting your absolute command from being undermined. Keep your emerging leaders separated from each other, and even instill a competitive spirit amongst them to 'fight' for your approval. 

The Take-Away: To expand the scope of your control, power and productivity, you must learn to delegate. Also, another important skill (but not the subject of this article) is the recruitment and mentoring of talent for the accelerated expansion of your corporate or military kingdom. 

As always, thank you for reading me.

- Douglas Castle

Labels, Tags, Keywords, Categories And Search Terms For This Article:

Douglas Castle, leadership, management, delegation, responsibility, authority, taking command, grooming leaders, accountability, business, career advancement, self-promotion, personal power, organization.

Managing The Virtual Enterprise

Managing The Virtual Business Enterprise

Being A Virtual Virtuoso

Managing Employees And Contractors Over Space And Time

The Unique Interpersonal Skills Required Of A Team Leader Or Project Manager Who Works Virtually

An aerial view of a virtual employee, stock photo style, which employee who could easily win the intergalactic prize for the neatest, most stereotypical and technologically incongruous desk of all time. [There - I’ve actually said it and we all feel better!]

Introduction

With virtual enterprises being on the rise, the issue of how to direct and coordinate the efforts of a group of people working remotely is crucial. Certain management directives, as well as the deployment of certain technology will be essential to the success of the virtual enterprise. This article breaks this topic into two sections, one being “Communications Protocol” and the other being “Useful Technologies”. The bold assumptions here are that the enterprise at issue is completely virtual, that employees or contractors working from home offices each have a specific area of responsibility and corresponding accountability (and are fully aware of what is expected of them), and that it is your role, gentle reader, to manage their work efforts and their ultimate work product.

In the growing world of the virtual organization, the best natural or trained communicators and charismatic commanders will rise to the top as successes, whereas the more technically-oriented individuals taking the narrower view of business, i.e., those who manage processes and projects instead of managing people, will tend to lag behind in their ability to bring out the best in the employees and contractors as a group.

Communications Protocol

1. Contact every employee or contractor at least once daily via telephone or Skype -- preferably via Skype due to its video feature, and simply inquire as to: A) what that individual is working on, B) does he or she require assistance or additional resources, C) whether or not he or she been in communication with any of the other team members, D) what his or her expectation is in terms of meeting his or her budget and performance deadlines, E) whether you might just have a look (either via email, screenshare or through collaboration tools) at what he or she has produced so far.

2. Hold a weekly meeting of all employees and contractors in order to build the sensation of team, to allow for intelligence-sharing and brainstorming and to encourage open communications amongst all members of the group.

3. Schedule meetings, as necessary, via telephone or Skype [Skype video is much better than mere telephone conversation because you have the additional dimension of body language to enhance the efficacy of interaction], with twosomes or other small groups of employees and contractors who may have dependent or overlapping responsibilities, or who may be at odds with each other for any number of reasons.

Communication should be frequent (short bursts), intensive and highly-focused. As the manager or project coordinator, you must also keep the entire team apprised of any changes in budgeted resources, expected timeframes, engagement scope, and the like. You must monitor their performance with great vigilance and you must foster a spirit of “team” and of “teammates”. You are the conductor of an orchestra with remote instrumentalists… and you are responsible not only for getting the best performance out of each virtuoso, but you must get the best performance out of the entire virtual orchestra, which requires providing frequent feedback and input.

Useful Technologies

Aside from the telephone and Skype, the following are all helpful collaboration, communication and cooperation tools which can be used by the manager to keep the virtual business tightly together and performing as a whole. Google has a suite of tools which are almost “made to order” for virtual teams needing to accomplish great and meaningful things.

GOOGLE DOCS - A great tool for sharing documents and for the cooperative authorship of documents such as reports, plans, etcetera. Certainly far more efficient than sending documents back and forth to groups of people as attachments to email correspondence. This is one of my favorites.

VIBER - A smartphone application which allows free international voice calling.

ALL OF THE OTHERS - A host of other contemporary (as of the date of this writing) tools is available to supplement the above. These are discussed in some detail in an article recently published by Time Doctor™. Just click on the link below for a wealth of information on these gizmos and gadgets:

https://biz30.timedoctor.com/online-collaboration-tools/

Some Other Thoughts Regarding This Topic

1. If your team is international, or if time zones may be an issue (even between New York and California), give very careful consideration to the times at which you contact individuals and arrange group meetings. For group meetings you might want to shift the weekly scheduled time (after giving very ample notice to all of your employees and contractors) to accommodate different people in different geographies.

2. Use as many visual aids as possible to be clear and effective over time and distance.

3. Be rapidly responsive when employees and contractors contact you; this might mean working an extended schedule to get the job done right.

4. Don’t ever forget to offer praise and encouragement (and don’t be robotic - your team members will be more responsive to a Human than to a cheap science-fiction cyborg or automaton) -- these are part of sound management.

5. As the manager of your virtual team, you are expected to A) know how to use each of the best collaboration tools, and B) to be ready, willing and able to remotely train your employees and contractors in the use of each of them. Waxing philosophical for a brief moment, in this life you must be a great student and a great teacher in order to truly be successful.

Lastly, remember that while a modicum of patience is critical in managing people, too much patience and empathy can make for poor leadership. And you can be certain that managing a virtual team requires emotional intelligence and people skills well beyond those required to manage a real-time, physically-grounded enterprise.

Thank you, as always, for reading me. - Douglas Castle

Expectation Management: Crucial To Your Survival!

Expectation Management: Crucial To Your Survival

*If You Fail To Successfully Manage Expectations, You’ll Lose Your Business, Your Career And Your Friends

*Expectation Management Requires Clear And Frequent Communication

*It’s Very Difficult To Restore Trust, Once It Has Been Violated

Most people don’t really enjoy most types of surprises. We live, and plan our lives, upon certain expectations; they provide a modicum of stability in a changing, too often chaotic world. When these expectations turn out to fall short of the ultimate reality we experience, we get angry. That is, for better or for worse, Human Nature.

We are conflicted and caught between two cliches: One of them is “Always under-promise and over-deliver”. The other is (and I’m laughing while I write this) “It’s far better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission”. The first one is applicable in all but a few unusual and desperate circumstances.

In expectation management, the idea is to set realistic, achievable goals and to communicate through the entire step-by-step process with your customer or client. If a process step is going more slowly than expected, get in front of it and advise your customer or client of the anticipated delay -- and explain the reasons for it. Be candid - people will appreciate and respect you for it; you might not make them happy, but they won’t come running after you with a blowgun and a quiver of poison darts, either.

When you are going to have a prospect sign a contract, never, ever, just send it to him ‘cold’. He’s liable to misunderstand it, or suffer ‘sticker shock’ and reject your offer (no matter how generous it might be) because it was sprung upon him to suddenly. The general rule here is to discuss beforehand with the customer or client what he can expect to see in the contract -- this gives you an opportunity to break it all down into small pieces and explain it thoroughly. It’s easier to digest small pieces than to eat the whole moose in one go. And if your customer or client raises objections to certain parts, you can deal with each one of them conversationally, instead of in the heat of your customer’s or client’s consternation and anger.

In particular, people are intimidated by what they see in writing, but not as much by what they hear conversationally… especially if there is casual, spontaneous give and take. Disarm the written bomb (people view written agreements as if they were grand jury subpoenas, or draft notices) with conversation to satisfy expectation. The recipients of these mighty missives expect trickery and shenanigans. Their fears must be allayed in advance.

Nothing is better than speaking with a customer or client to whom you’ve just handed a written agreement and saying, “Here it is, exactly as we had discussed. Would you like to go over it again briefly, paragraph by paragraph?”

If you’ve done a masterful preparatory job, the customer or client might just say, “No. Let’s just sign this thing. I’m tired of talking about it. Let’s do it.”

As always, thank you for reading me. - Douglas